Why Saiyuki should not have handphones
by happykid
Summary: The title says it all.
1. I love you

Why Saiyuki should not have handphones

Disclaimer: If I owned Saiyuki, Dr. Nii would climb out of the TV and do a striptease.

I think I'd rather not own it then…

Moi Musings: One-shot, but I may put up chapters. I know that back then handphones probably had yet to be invented, but ah well…

* * *

"I know! Let's all get HANDPHONES!" Goku piped. Hakkai laughed, Gojyo stared, and Sanzo humphed. 

"Why handphones, saru?"

"Don't call me saru, dammit! So that we can keep in touch easier! Like, if we want Gojyo to come back to the inn, we just call him!"

"That's quite a good idea, Goku. But handphones are quite expensive."

"Is it okay, Sanzo? We can use your credit card."

"Hmph." Pause. "Whatever. It's not even my money."

Somewhere in heaven, Jiroushin (is that how you spell his name?) sneezed.

"Right! There's a village coming up. We'll buy the handphones there."

"I think I'll get a Nokia…"

* * *

A couple of hours later, the foursome emerged from the phone shop, each with his own new phone. Sanzo had a sleek, stylish black phone. It was already on silent mode. Gojyo had a flashy red one, with a built in camera (god knows what he's going to use it for). Hakkai's phone was quite similar to Sanzo's just that it was silver and it wasn't on silent mode. Yet. Goku had a blinding gold colored one and he had put the ring tone at maximum volume. Thus, with their new companions, the Sanzo-ikkou headed back to the inn where they were staying. 

It was hardly an hour after they had gotten their phones, and all four men were silent, as they were still busy figuring out how to exactly "control" the phone. Except Sanzo. He didn't really care about his phone. He had only bought because if he didn't buy it Goku would breathe down his neck all day long about why he should have bought the phone.

He felt a vibration against his hand. His phone. He had already gotten a message. Fast eh? He opened it. It was from Gojyo. Probably wanted the credit card or something. He only talked to Sanzo if he needed something. That was usually a whack on the head with the almighty paper fan. Boy was Sanzo wrong.

The last bit of color drained from the monk's face. His mind screamed "OH MY (insert all possible swear words here) GOD!" (a/n: actually, I wanted to write HOLY MOLY but I didn't think that Sanzo would say something like that. ahahahahaha). There it was. Plainly, blatantly on the tiny screen of his new handphone.

"i love u."

Omigod. No one had ever told Sanzo that. And this was the first time ever. Worst of all, it was a guy who had said it to him. Sanzo almost passed out. All this while, he thought that Gojyo was straight. Holy cow. All those Gojyo fan girls wouldn't be too happy. Sanzo tried to think straight (pardon the pun), but it was a bit hard. You wouldn't be able to think properly either if you had just found out that your companion wasn't the straightest guy on earth. When Sanzo finally regained his composure (I salute you, Sanzo-sama. That must have taken a lot of will power, to be able to sit still without running out of the room screaming after your companion tells you he loves you), he noticed that there was more to the message. He scrolled down a little. It read:

"there is no need to freak out or think too much, coz I juz got the news dat if I say 'i love u' to 3 pigheaded pple, i'll have good luck 4 the rest of my life. hahahahahaha."

The next day, only Hakkai went to visit Gojyo at the hospital.

* * *

Hee. My teacher sent me the same message too... 


	2. Forks

Why Saiyuki should not have handphones

Disclaimer: I don't own it. See previous chapter for reason.

Moi Musings: I DID IT! CHAPTER 2 IS UP! HELL YEAH! WOOHOO! For those who want a third chapter (Yipe. I may die writing), I need ideasfor only one reason:I'm dry. Anyway, the rating went up because of certain...implications. Ah well.

* * *

"It's a **what?**"

"It's a handphone, my dear Princess."

"Oh." Silence. "How does it work?"

"It apparently works on fundamental and mathematically-precise Boolean logic that…."

"No, you idiot. I didn't mean that kind of work. I mean how do you use it?"

Dr Nii smirked.

"It's all very simple. Just key in the number, press this green button here and voila. Think about it. You can contact whoever you want with the press of a button."

Pause. "_Ohohoho! _You are indeed a genius, Nii! Issue these headphones to all the staff!"

"It's handphones, your highness."

"Whatever." (I think you should know who this _princess_ is. It's quite obvious.)

* * *

"It's a **what?**"

"It's a handphone, Kougaiji-sama."

"Oh." Silence. "Teach me how to use it."

* * *

A couple of hours later, every single person in the castle had mastered the use of the handphone. All except Gyuumaoh himself. What do you expect from an unconscious guy?

Meanwhile, Yaone was seated, comfortably, on a chair in the dining room (a/n: there are dining rooms in the castle, are there?), playing a simple game (Dr. Mario) on her handphone. There was nothing to do anyway. But why the dining room? Coz the authoress says so.

The moment Yaone proceeded to the next level of fighting evil germs, Kougaiji walked into the dining room, holding a bowl of salad. He sat at the far end of the table, quite a distance from where Yaone was.

"Aw, crap…" Kou (a/n: I'm sick of writing his whole name) hissed under his breath, but not quiet enough to not alert the beautiful doctor. Yaone giggled quietly as she exited her game, knowing very well why the prince had sworn. She began to type a message, her nimble fingers moving swiftly over the keypad.

You have received a message from: Yaone

The Prince had the shock of his life the moment he opened the message.

You wanta fk?

Holy crap.

Did he just read that?

He re-read the message. There was no mistaking it. Did Yaone just ask him to…

This called for desperate measures.

* * *

You have received a message from: Kou

shit shit shit Doku. U gotta help me. Yaone just asked me 2 sleep with her and I dunno what 2 do. reply ASAP.

You have received a message from: Doku

I only hav 1 thing to say: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You have received a message from: Doku

2 actually. I think Nii has some 'protection' somewhere. But u can always name the baby after me. :)

You have received a message from: Kou

Damn you.

* * *

Kougaiji breathed deeply, counted from one to ten, and did whatever he could to regain his composure. He could feel Yaone's eyes on him.

She wasn't that bad actually. She was kind, sweet, gentle, obedient, had a great body…Wait. What was he thinking? This wasn't the time to…think about…such things…But she was inviting him to…she started it…

His eyes glazed over as he thought of what would happen between the two of them.

_/The scene currently playing in our dear prince's head/_

"_Oh, Kougaiji-sama."_

"_Oh, Yaone."_

_/And the rest is censored./_

Kougaiji shook his head to clear out the images. No no, can't sink to Nii's level. Then only did he realize Yaone standing next to him.

"Kougaiji-sama?"

Kou squawked, rather uncharacteristic for our prince. _How did she get here so fast_? He gulped.

"You didn't reply to my message, but I thought you really needed it, so I came over to you instead."

_She came over to me? Is she that desperate? And how do I look like I need to...er…do those kind of…things…_

Kougaiji's head was pounding, his vision slightly blurred, all sorts of perverse scenes running through his head, even one of how their baby would look like, but that's another story. He was freaking out, torn between responding to Yaone's "invitation" or holding back. Basically, he couldn't think straight.

Yaone smiled, and advanced towards him slowly.

_Noooooo…I'm not ready…_

Yaone got closer…

_Crap._

And closer…

_Help me_.

Even closer…

_Kami-sama…I know you're up there. Help me_!

She smiled again at the beet-red Kougaiji…and handed him a fork.

* * *

I got the idea from an advertisement. Hee hee, this is probably the only time you may see Kougaiji lose his head. 


End file.
